Learning to Wait with Grace

Unfortunately, my surgery had to be postponed because one of the two surgeons was no longer available. They left me a message on Tuesday, June 23, while I was on my way to California to present several workshops at a conference. I was so focused on preparing and showing up well for that conference that I did not see the message until Friday, June 26. They suggested August 12 as the new date. But that date immediately made me nervous because it would give me one less week to rest before flying out of the country to present at a conference in Croatia. My doctor said it would be okay for me to travel internationally three and a half weeks after surgery. Still, I knew I would be traveling alone to a place I had never visited before, and that felt like a lot to carry.

I reached out to my Facebook support group for their insights, and one common theme kept coming up: there is no way to know exactly what my recovery timeline will look like. It varies from person to person, and things could change once I am on the operating table. I also had to keep reminding myself that renal cell carcinoma is slow-growing, and postponing the surgery by a few weeks is okay. Even so, giving myself permission to wait was not easy. 

I slept on it that weekend while recuperating at a friend’s cabin in the mountains. In that quiet space, I realized just how much stress I felt about the August 12 date. My husband and I talked through different dates and options over the next few days, and last Thursday I finally settled on September 30. Today, that date was officially confirmed. That date felt steadier to me. It gives me four full weeks at home before traveling to Houston, where I go regularly for work. I feel more comfortable with that plan because I have a community in Houston who can help me if I need support. And if I have to, I can cancel that trip.

This new timeline also gives me time to prepare for surgery in every way I need to: attending all the pre-op appointments, stocking the freezer with easy meals, and giving myself space to get mentally and emotionally ready. I am trying to choose patience over panic, trust over fear, and preparation over rushing. Onward.