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When Fear Becomes a Date on the Calendar

I have been avoiding posting an update because once I put the words out there, it makes everything feel even more real—and that reality still scares me. The June 5 appointment with the urologic oncologist came and went. When I arrived, I was asked to provide a urine sample for the urinalysis and urine culture, and then we were taken to a room overlooking a beautiful courtyard. I found myself grateful for that view. There is something tender about the way some cancer centers try to soften the edges of fear with light, trees, and open space. That day, I was nervous and trying to hold onto every question I wanted to ask, even though my mind felt crowded with fear. My husband was my rock. He asked the questions he knew were sitting in my chest, and he kept checking in to make sure he had not missed anything. My doctor never told me not to Google. Instead, he asked whether I had read about treatment options for renal cell carcinoma. I nodded, and he gently reviewed everything anyway. There ...
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Waves of Emotions in the Midst of Uncertainty

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Little cakes molded like oranges at Kantouni Sweetery in Pyrgos, Greece I mentioned in another blog that, while preparing for my biopsy, I was trying to figure out what information to trust. Some sources said I could not fly for at least a week afterward, but the interventional radiology team that performed my biopsy told me I could fly as long as I did not lift anything heavier than five pounds. We flew out on the 22nd—just four days after my biopsy—on a nonstop flight to Athens. The husband handled all the luggage which was helpful. I was able to sleep through most of the flight, but when I woke up about an hour before landing, I felt pain in my lower right back. The discomfort lingered for another day, then faded on its own. Greece was heavenly—an escape in every sense of the word. We truly unplugged. I was even surprised to find that I could sleep in. We laughed, played, rested, and let ourselves simply be. We loved exploring the island of Santorini and wandering through the ancien...
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A New Diagnosis, A Familiar Strength

I had my kidney biopsy done last Monday. Yesterday evening, I received a notification that my pathology results were in. That was some fast work. I was told 5-7 days. I was in the middle of cooking a delicious dinner: lemon ginger chicken with coconut rice and veggies. I was thrilled to be able to cook again after the biopsy. It is the most comforting, grounding activity for me. I sat down to read the pathology results and started crying.  Grade 2 renal cell carcinoma with clear cell features.  I have kidney cancer after 11+ years of being done with endometrial cancer. My beloved   husband walked in the door and saw me. He   was quick to sit down with me and comfort me. He helped me finish cooking dinner and we sat down to eat and had a good chat not about the cancer but to bond and connect which is our daily ritual.  I had to teach an evening class. I was supposed to model consecutive interpreting for my Deaf interpreter students, but I could not do it. I texte...
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