Squeezing the C outta the orange

There is something oddly fitting about writing from Germany in the middle of the night while waiting for a suitcase that decided not to make the trip with me. My body is still on U.S. time, my luggage is somewhere else entirely, and my mind is doing what it has done all summer: running through the endless logistics of travel, work, medical appointments, and surgery prep. Medical care coordination continues to be arduous. I cannot even imagine returning home to the United States on August 1 and then turning around for surgery on August 5. I now know I would not have been ready, given how busy this summer has been. I had a list of tasks to complete before I could be cleared for surgery. To prepare for my hysterectomy in 2015, I only had to show up for the pre-op evaluation. This time, I have four appointments, three of them happening on Friday, September 18. I had to make many calls to coordinate all of those appointments around the eleven days in September I will be away for tw...

Unfortunately, my surgery had to be postponed because one of the two surgeons was no longer available. They left me a message on Tuesday, June 23, while I was on my way to California to present several workshops at a conference. I was so focused on preparing and showing up well for that conference that I did not see the message until Friday, June 26. They suggested August 12 as the new date. But that date immediately made me nervous because it would give me one less week to rest before flying out of the country to present at a conference in Croatia. My doctor said it would be okay for me to travel internationally three and a half weeks after surgery. Still, I knew I would be traveling alone to a place I had never visited before, and that felt like a lot to carry. I reached out to my Facebook support group for their insights, and one common theme kept coming up: there is no way to know exactly what my recovery timeline will look like. It varies from person to person, and things could ch...

I have been avoiding posting an update because once I put the words out there, it makes everything feel even more real—and that reality still scares me. The June 5 appointment with the urologic oncologist came and went. When I arrived, I was asked to provide a urine sample for the urinalysis and urine culture, and then we were taken to a room overlooking a beautiful courtyard. I found myself grateful for that view. There is something tender about the way some cancer centers try to soften the edges of fear with light, trees, and open space. That day, I was nervous and trying to hold onto every question I wanted to ask, even though my mind felt crowded with fear. My husband was my rock. He asked the questions he knew were sitting in my chest, and he kept checking in to make sure he had not missed anything. My doctor never told me not to Google. Instead, he asked whether I had read about treatment options for renal cell carcinoma. I nodded, and he gently reviewed everything anyway. There ...

Little cakes molded like oranges at Kantouni Sweetery in Pyrgos, Greece I mentioned in another blog that, while preparing for my biopsy, I was trying to figure out what information to trust. Some sources said I could not fly for at least a week afterward, but the interventional radiology team that performed my biopsy told me I could fly as long as I did not lift anything heavier than five pounds. We flew out on the 22nd—just four days after my biopsy—on a nonstop flight to Athens. The husband handled all the luggage which was helpful. I was able to sleep through most of the flight, but when I woke up about an hour before landing, I felt pain in my lower right back. The discomfort lingered for another day, then faded on its own. Greece was heavenly—an escape in every sense of the word. We truly unplugged. I was even surprised to find that I could sleep in. We laughed, played, rested, and let ourselves simply be. We loved exploring the island of Santorini and wandering through the ancien...

I had my kidney biopsy done last Monday. Yesterday evening, I received a notification that my pathology results were in. That was some fast work. I was told 5-7 days. I was in the middle of cooking a delicious dinner: lemon ginger chicken with coconut rice and veggies. I was thrilled to be able to cook again after the biopsy. It is the most comforting, grounding activity for me. I sat down to read the pathology results and started crying.  Grade 2 renal cell carcinoma with clear cell features.  I have kidney cancer after 11+ years of being done with endometrial cancer. My beloved   husband walked in the door and saw me. He   was quick to sit down with me and comfort me. He helped me finish cooking dinner and we sat down to eat and had a good chat not about the cancer but to bond and connect which is our daily ritual.  I had to teach an evening class. I was supposed to model consecutive interpreting for my Deaf interpreter students, but I could not do it. I texte...