Squeezing the C outta the orange

“How can I support you?” This is a question I struggled with during my first rodeo with cancer, and I find myself struggling with it again this time. I’ve been in support groups for cancer patients, and this topic comes up often in our discussions. I think it’s especially hard for me because I’m not the type of person who asks for help easily. I really don't like feeling like an imposition. Granted, I have gotten better at this over the years—but believe me, if I ask you for something, it is truly what I need. I also don't always know what is within your capacity to offer. After my hysterectomy, I asked a friend to come visit me. She told me she did not like being around sick people. Hmm. That stung, for sure. In my support group, we sometimes joke about far-fetched ideas. Three of my favorites: buy me a million-dollar home where I can recover, hire a full-time nurse, or make this cancer disappear. Truth be told, it takes more bandwidth for me to come up with ideas for you. I a...

Today, I got a message from the medical team that I have the green light to proceed with surgery in ten days. We did not know if I would get the clearance, so this was a big update. While I was in Slovenia and Croatia, my asthma kept worsening despite medication. I started my first course of prednisone (steroids) on Friday the 11th, but I was not improving. On Monday the 14th, I flew directly from Zagreb to Houston via Frankfurt, and that took a lot out of me. By the time I got to Houston, my asthma was still not under control. I was seen by a doctor last Tuesday, who determined that I needed different medications as well as a nebulizer machine at home, even after receiving nebulizer and oxygen treatments in the office. What made my recovery so difficult while abroad was starting prednisone, which increased my cortisol level and caused insomnia. Since the 11th, I have been averaging around 3-5 hours of sleep a night. I also experienced a loss of appetite in Europe, which sucked because...

Greetings from Ljubljana, Slovenia. This is my first time visiting this country, and I am loving its beauty. Since I grew up in Colorado, seeing mountains brings me so much joy. It has been wonderful to see the Julian Alps. After all the medical crap and work, it has been nice to take a mini-vacation and explore a bit. Lake Bled   Tomorrow, I will be traveling to Zagreb, Croatia, where the conference is. While I am excited to see my colleagues again, I am dreading the idea of giving a presentation this coming Saturday. I will get it done. I do love giving presentations, but with all that is going on, I just want to chill out and listen.    Last night, I got a message about the renal ultrasound I had last Friday. My tumor has grown a bit between the May 1 CT scan and the September 4 renal ultrasound. I guess it is a good thing I have surgery coming up three weeks from today to get it out.  Yesterday, I visited Postojna Cave. It was gigantic. I really enjoyed touring t...

This past week was a challenging medical week for me. The second dose of the shingles vaccine threw me a bit off track. As I mentioned in a previous blog entry, my allergies came back, which meant my asthma came back too. I had to restart my asthma medications. It will take a few days for them to get my asthma under control. Yesterday, I got both the flu and COVID vaccines, so I am feeling off today. I am hoping I feel much better tomorrow, just in time to fly out tomorrow evening for my 11-day business trip. I am normally excited about transatlantic trips, but this time I am dreading the overnight flight to Munich and then on to Ljubljana. Simply put, I am beyond exhausted. On top of it all, I also had a pre-operation task to complete yesterday: a renal ultrasound of my right kidney. I had a moment in the waiting room when I felt a wave of anger. There were too many medical things happening this week. It was overwhelming. Dealing with all the medical stuff felt like a job in itself, a...

Today is August 30, which means the surgery is exactly one month away. At times, I have wondered what it would have been like if I had had the surgery on August 5. It would have meant I would not have to field questions from people who thought I had surgery then or who ask whether the cancer is gone. Interestingly, some people ask me how my treatment is going, but I am not undergoing any treatment right now. Not all cancers require treatment to “shrink” the tumor before surgical removal. For my type of cancer, the tumor needs to be removed first, and then pathology will determine the stage and what treatment, if any, is needed. While I am relieved I have not had surgery yet, the waiting game has been challenging in its own way. The positive side is that I have had extra time to complete the paperwork needed to go on medical leave. It was shocking to realize that human resources does not always make sure supervisors understand the process. I have had to research everything on my own to ...

2026: 81,000 Each number holds a body, a room, a voice. Number of kidney cancer diagnoses this year I am one. Yet my story swells beyond its number. 81,000 stories— an ocean.   NJH: 08/15/2026